This is how I disappear.


Lol, fuck school.
I can't focus on a single shit now.

Feel super fucked up.
给自己多一个机会？
LOL, whatever.


Yeah, so instead of going to do my work or study, I spent my time stoning and thinking about stupid things like dying.
Lol. I realised days like 050607, 070707, only come.. once in a lifetime. Then I suddenly realised, there will never be a day that's the same as another. Like lol, after today is over, there will never be a 190208 anymore. And when someone dies, it's forever.
I just wondered, what will everyone do when I die?
I used to think everyone who knew me would buy champagne and throw a party to celebrate my death.
But now, well. I don't know, really.

I never liked the thought of death. I hated to think about it because it made me think of losing everything I had, and it was just like living in a void, or something, except maybe you no longer feel anything, since you wouldn't even be living, and you probably wouldn't even realise the emptiness of everything.
It reminded me of a pitch-black darkness that lasted for eternity, and it frightened me.


I guess I haven't been living long enough to talk about a lifetime, but in the life I've been leading so far I cannot name anything I have achieved so far that I'm extremely proud of. All that I've done in my primary school days seem like they never happened after the state I've landed myself in.
I've never made positive impacts on anything or anyone, so I don't see why it's not possible that everyone would want to celebrate my death.


What the crap, I don't even know what I'm getting at.

Forget it.
Vora's going to screw me tomorrow.
:D


And maybe staying on just isn't the right thing to do. It's like hanging on to the only strand of hope that never seemed to have existed at all. I guess I've been on the wrong track all along. Guess it's time to pick up my pace, in the right direction. But I can't move, 'cause it changes things. I don't adapt easily to the unfamiliarity of things, and it disturbs me. I'm stuck at a standstill, 'cause I'm afraid to get lost.
Hm, whatever. (: